Matthew 18:21-35  Jesus was teaching His disciples with a parable about the unforgiving servant.  In a nutshell, Jesus forgave His servant when the servant begged forgiveness of his debts.  But that same servant went out and became cruel to his own servant who owed him money.  He had him cast into prison.  Upon hearing how the servant Jesus had forgiven acted, Jesus went to him and had no pity on him and cast him into prison to pay his debts.  Verse 35 teaches us how we must handle conflict–with forgiveness.  We cannot control how someone else handles conflict and whether or not they forgive us.  We are accountable for how we handle conflict.  We must forgive.

Many people have unhealthy reactions to conflict.  Past hurts can leave a person unable to handle criticism.  Some people repress any discomfort and pretend it doesn’t even exist.  Others place blame while defending themselves.  If we don’t handle conflict with a forgiving spirit, we limit our potential to grow.  We can develop an unforgiving spirit, which leads to bitterness and resentment.  It is not an easy task.  The perfect example of how to do this is found in Luke 23:34.  Jesus prayed for those who wrongly accused Him by saying, “Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing.”  I’ve actually prayed this prayer for someone in the church who wrongly accused me of something.  It was not easy.  I wanted to tell others how wrong they were.  But, that is not the way to handle conflict.  Jesus hung there for our sins.  We must learn to “hang there” when conflict arises.

Another way to handle conflict is to realize divine perspective.  In Romans 8:28 we are promised that as believers, all things will work to the believers benefit.  God not only uses difficulties to teach us, but He allows us to demonstrate our love for Jesus by the way we choose to respond to conflict.  There was a fellowship dinner in the church basement and a man walked into the kitchen with his wife’s dish and the lady in the kitchen said rather harshly that what did he mean only bringing one dish when she had slaved over five dishes.  The man could have taken issue with the distraught lady.  Instead, he replied that he was so happy she fixed so many dishes as he knew they wouldn’t run out of food.  He turned the negative into a positive.

We also must be ready and willing to respond to something we may have done wrong.  Our response should be to apologize and ask forgiveness.  We must listen to the other person and acknowledge their feelings and carefully consider their comments.  Try to turn negatives into positives.  You definitely need to pray for strength to stay calm and do what is right.  Again, it is not an easy task.  However, God wants us to respond with forgiveness and a gentle attitude.

How do you deal with accusations and criticism?  Forgiveness is the only response that will keep you from becoming a victim of resentment and anger.